HAPPY!

I AM BLESSED AFTERALL!

So many friends wish me happy birthday!

Why had i grumble so much!

Friends, juniors, relatives, family members!!!

I LOVE YOU!!

Thank You!!!

My happiest birthday ever!!!

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!!

(My pet fighting fish and me celebrating my birthday! WEE!)

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to You~
Happy Birthday to you~
Happy Birthday to Eunice!
Happy Birthday to you!

Wish you all the best in your studies!
Know that you can find something that is worth working hard for!
Your DREAM WILL COME TRUE!

Happy Birthday!

**Forgot to come my hair...**

Pre Birthday

Haha. Previous post I was saying I am going to grow up. Now I feel like complaining.

Came back home jogging 30mins ago and my dad gave me a red packet. Than my mum say she cut down the money to buy pizza for everyone. Hahaha. (holding back tears!)

Then my brother ask if he will be buying cake. Hahaha. My mum say if he wants to buy than buy. Buy the flavour that he likes. (Excuse me, whose birthday here?!#$@) She still can laugh. (Me, in the room like #*$U#)

Then my mum told my brother that we ordering pizza. My brother say he wants Hawaiian. I am fine with it. Then my mum told my brother that I will be the one calling. (I am piss off here. 1 hour ago she told my my brother will be the one calling. Now I AM THE ONE CALLING!)

What a great way to start off my birthday! COME ON! IT's freaking 18th birthday! Not 17, 16 or 15! (Do not compare, do not compare with other people, eunice, do not compare.)

Just upset. But I guess I AM GROWING up. I did not cry while typing this. If it were me one year ago, I would have cried and cried and cried.

Not sure when my mother will treat me and my sister as equal as my brother. Can't believe even on my Birthday she still prioritize my brother over me. Still remember my sister birthday this Jan, my mum didn't even cook or say happy birthday to her. Even my dad got scolded for giving my sister red packet. (My mother's excuse was my sister was married why must give her present)

I just feel so so sad. Even my dad talk back to my mum say married means not daughter meh?! Like my DAD!!

I wonder in 10 years time when I am married or chase out of the house, will anyone remember me?

WILL NOT CRY.

I am going to make this the best birthday ever yet!

Will sleep late tonight!

Can't wait to congratulate myself!

HAHAHA.

Last day as a 17 Year Old

Today is Friday the 13th. Haha people call it black friday is it?
Tomorrow 14th April will be my birthday!!! Hurray!!!
Weird isn't it? I always wanted to become an adult but when I am really becoming one, i want to be a child again.

4hours before I turned 18. Should I be excited? I just feel more responsibility than ever. It got me thinking a LOT. Though I feel that I lived my life aimlessly for 2 years after O levels, I finally decided on something.

I Want to go University. Though not sure what course, but I'll make sure my grades will be so good that I can be accepted to any course I want.

Still remember I have this dream of becoming a Singer and now that dream seems to be farther than ever. Worst thing a person can ever have is to want to dream big but really no talent, no figure, no looks. WAHAHAHA!!!

Realized being a fan is enough. Seeing idols ( now I like AKB48) worked hard and pursue their dreams make me want to work really hard for the things that are really important to me. Seeing how AKB48 went through hardships and get where they are now makes me really motivated. Being a singer is of course impossible now. Given my lousy voice and bad figure. But my dream to open a shop that is all about teddy bears (generally soft toys) is realistic enough for me. I will pursue that dream. People can laugh all they want, but I believe if I work hard enough, my dream will come true.

Since currently I am studying business and social enterprise, my business will definitely be sustainable, profitable and also helping people. Have thought about it a lot but shall not write it here. Hopefully, I can get grants within the next few years and really start running it.

Here are some of my wishes for turning 18 years old in next few hours.

No.1 Get along well with other people (Not sure why my personality suddenly changed from out going to introvert ever since I enter secondary school. Now trying to get back my personality)

No.2 Participate in CCA. Though I joined leo club but only attended the induction ceremony. Don't have a single friends there. So it deter me from going. If not, I'll join back badminton or some other CCA.

No.3 Work Hard. I believe in working hard. But currently I am not giving my best at anything I do.

side track a bit...

Ever since O level, I feel like I had lost control of my life. Should have gone JC but choose to go Poly. Got into a course I like but realize the course doesn't allow no music talent like me to be inside. Feel so cheated. But its my fate. Pray and beg and finally got into a course (Thank You NP!) Though its not something I want from the beginning but I learn a lot from it.

First year, went to smoky mountain at Philippines and discover that there are families living in dump site eating rubbish. Yet when they see us, they can smile brightly as if its nothing. It makes me feel like I shouldn't be complaining. From this diploma, I feel that I can become a better person. I may never become a good person, but at least, I will be slightly better.

For the past 2 years, I asked no questions and just lived my life as if nothing happen. Cry and cry at night asking God why can't he grant me my wish. Ask him why I screw up everything. Ask him why was I born. I get no reply from him. Used the laptop 18hours a day, wasting my life but not doing anything. Self pitying. Regrets. Disappointment. Never felt a need to have a reason to live for a long time.

At 12 years old. My dream is to grow up quickly and do well for PSLE so I can tell my relatives that looked down on my family to shut their mouth.

I did it.

At 16 years old. My dream was to become a music producer. So I studied half-halfheartedly. But because of my strong bonds with my badminton CCA friends, we aimed to do well for O levels and so I studied.

I made it. Good enough to go Anderson JC (If i DSA) even without DSA I can go probably gone to other JC.

But I chose to follow my dream and choose SP instead. Weeks before school starts where I realized without music background, being in a music course will only make my waste money and time. Appeal period over than they have briefing. Only 3weeks left and I am all alone trying to get into any course at any Poly except SP.

I made it into NP. Thank GOD! Thank NP!

Until this day, I am not that angry about the poor management of SP open house and how they works. I am just upset and disappointed at myself. A HUGE wrong decision I made cause my family to worry for me.

I thought they would scold me of say "told you so!" but they just stay by my side and supported me. Help me call Poly and help me appeal. I will never forget this kindness and love.

At 17 years old. My dream. Repay people whom have believed in me. People whom have helped me.

GPA 4.0. I did it!

But at 17 years old. I lived my life aimlessly. Go to school. Come back school. EAT. Homework. Projects. KPOP and JPOP. SLEEP.

Lost interest in hanging out with friends. Used to stay back after school every day to eat, play soccer, basketball, slack. Used to make friends everywhere but now in a new class, can't even speak up to ask a question.

However.

At 18 years old. It will be different.

If can be singer or some celebrity it will be a bonus, if not its okay. Every child at some point will dream of becoming a celebrity. So its okay if I don't make it.

In few hours time, I will work hard to live. I live for myself. I live for others too. I won't disappoint anyone ever again.

18 Year Old Goal

Ultimately, set up my dream business.

Before that, some sub goals.

1. Get into University
2. Since my GPA 4.0 is gone, I want to make it as close as possible
3. Treat my family better
4. Get a part time job (this time I won't quit after 1month)
5. Volunteer. (I sincerely wanted to volunteer but don't know why I never take the first step)
6. Get into shape, stay healthy
7. Keep in contact with my secondary school best friends!!!! (NEVER FORGET YOU!)

____________________________________________________________

Hope I won't forget what I post it here.

This year shall be my most loneliness birthday ever. But it will be my most meaningful one.

My stroll at Punggol

Found this snail at the path. So many of them. Small to BIG. And they make some kind of creepy noise. kkkkk... ... ...

So I video of the snail walking. The snail at punggol is different from the one i used to catch at Hougang. This snail the body? The slime? Is red colour. Awesome.

Truth about me in NP

Sigh. Still feeling sad about Maeda's graduation from AKB48. I am really proud of her for making this decision. She is really brave and courageous. She did all this to show her juniors that even after graduating from AKB48, there is still path for them. Really admire her now.

I wish i can be as courageous and determined as her. Until now, i don't even have the guts to tell people my dreams. I want to work hard. I really really want to do something or have a job that can make me sacrifice my time, effort and life for it. I want to do something that makes me and others happy. Until now, i still can't get the answer i wanted. According to horoscope or zodiac (lame i know), i am the type that will spend the entire life searching for a purpose in life. This process is killing me.

I went to join dance and learn hiphop. I thought i was good at dancing because my sister said so, but after joining, i realize i wasn't that good after all. And i realize, i do not have the financial abilities to continue and so i give up. Lack courage to pursue dream? Maybe. Lazy? Finding excuse?

I seriously not sure what i want. I also got a classical guitar from sister as birthday at 12 years old. Went to CC learn for 6months? I quit because of O level. I really love singing and playing my guitar even though i not good at it. I should practice but i lack motivation. I not sure playing guitar is something that can bring me money for future (as in job). But at least for now, i now i am happy playing and singing with it.

I made a wrong decision in Sec4 to go Music and Audio diploma. End up because of criteria not properly stated, i got into the course but sure will fail the entire course. WHY? Because midway in March i received email to go for the diploma briefing. Then, there the lecturers started telling me i need at least grade 5 instrument and theory by end of year 1. If can't need retain. By end of year 2, i can't get i will be kick out. They asked us to go back and think whether we want to be in this course. So i went back and think about everything they said and i told lecturer i want out. Initially during the briefing, the lecturers said will help us appeal to other courses, but end up they just said its not their position to help and left me course-less.

What is upsetting is that during open house, the lecturers that say will bring the course adviser to consult with me never came. So after pushing me around with 3 different lecturers, i eventually was led to students that is not even in the course. They told me i don't have to have any music background to join, so i believe. That was my biggest mistake in life. with my grade, I can go a good JC or a good business course. I can't believe i single handedly destroyed my future. 1month before poly school term starts and i am not assured of any place in any diploma.

(NOTE* Am thankful to NP for giving me a chance to study there. I won't forget their kindness. I will study hard, though now my CCA is failing)

My biggest mistake and regret in life.

It took me months to convince my parents and gain their support to go the that course. But end up, i disappoint them. I thought I am 16, i am old and mature enough to make the right decision for myself but i was wrong. I really want to apologize to my parents for upsetting them, disappointing them, and having me as their daughter. I can't bring myself to tell them.

Its not over. I won't let challenges and wrong decisions in life bring me down. I won't apologize. I want to succeed. I want to thank them for raising me up as their daughter. I want them to be proud. I won't lose out to life. I will fight. Even if there are bruises or wounds, tears and blood, I will stand up and fight. I don't like to lose. Even if i never tell anyone before, i really don't like to lose. I don't know since when i forget the feeling of winning.

After admitting my mistake, i feel so much better. I will look forward in life. No matter what comes ahead, i will face it bravely. Just like Maeda!!!

Though i don't know what i want to do, i won't succumb. I will be patient.

This time round STILL vs Blue. (I've changed the names.)
HAHA.
I find it cruel but the gills and fins are really beautiful when they fight(through glass).
I can't bear to let them fight in one tank and die.